Kids are gross. Until you become a parent, you just cannot fathom the amount of absolutely disgusting things parents do to stop these gross children. How many times have you prompted your child to stop doing something… only to have them continue without a care in the world?
I mean really, you heard it as a kid and now you’re saying it yourself “get your finger out of your nose!” Then insert your big sigh or eye roll because you’ve already said this 1,842 times, and that’s just today!
And that’s not all we repeat ourselves over….
I think the sink in the bathroom is just there for decoration. Because, clearly I’m never going to get my kids to wash their hands after picking their nose, going to the bathroom, or before eating. It’s like they’re allergic to the thing.
Is there a magical note on all pieces of chewed up gum that only kids can see reading “EAT ME”? Why must we pick up every single piece of gum we find and immediately have to insert in our mouth? It doesn’t matter where it comes from… under the table at a restaurant I dared to take them to or off the street as we’re walking. It’s all tasty; didn’t you know?
Peeing… or Worse In the Pool
Do kids think the pool is giant toilet they get to play in? You already know they don’t mind playing in the toilet, but now they get to jump in this one. So you know this means just peeing (or even worse!) away. You may think that you’re going to head outside and relax in all that cool water, but they’re about to make it their own personal giant toilet. Ew.
Nose & Mouth Wiping
The table, the dish towels, the sleeve of their shirt, or the bottom of your shirt. There is snot and half chewed food everywhere. We cannot possibly use the napkin I’m always providing. That would be too easy, too clean, too sanitary. No no. We must wipe our nose and mouth everywhere and at any time.
I have 5 apples at my house. They’re delicious; just ask my 4 year old who’s taken 1 single bite out of each of them, declared himself “finished!” and I have saved for the next time he requests an apple. Which, obviously, he’s not going to eat because it’s already been eaten.
These wondrous things that we so love are like a petri dish of disgusting. It’s like kids think that the corners of their seat are there to simply hide food. Also, they’re a never-ending supply of Cheerios. Where do all these things come from? And yeah, it’s going to happen, they’re going to eat that stuff.
Yeah, yeah, parenting is rewarding. We know that, but we never thought we’d deal with this much gross wrapped up in one tiny little human. And this list is just the tip of the iceberg. There is so much more!
The funny thing is that with all the gross, we have those cute little moments that really makes none of this matter (that much). And really the best part is when you can laugh it all off. Yes, I showed up today with a bit of snot on the bottom inside of my shirt. It happened, and I’m totally okay with that.
So tell us, what unexpected thing have you had to deal with as a parent?